Today a friend asked me the question everyone has been asking me lately. So far I’ve given them the generic “I’m holding on”, “you know, keeping busy” which was all true. But today for the first time I was completely honest on how I’ve been able to cope as well as people seem to think I am and its this.
I am still in complete and utter DENIAL. Don’t get me wrong I know my mom is no longer with us but for as long as I can I’m just going to pretend that she is still abroad and there are factors that hamper me from talking to her on a daily basis and if I get too sappy I’ll listen to voice clips I had the sense to make before.
Then my friend said “yeah, that’s just one of the steps”.
I hadn’t really thought about it “The 5-Stages of Grief” .
For everyone these stages are different. I surely am not going in order. Bargaining was never really an option, (so I’ll replace bargaining with prayer I mean come’on Who am I to strike a deal Jehovah). I did however pray more than I’ve ever prayed in my entire 28-years of existence.
You know your going through the anger-stage when everyone walks on eggshell around you which in turn also makes you angry. What could be a level 1 problem is automatically a level 9. Which if I’m honest The bombing at Hiroshima had nothing on me when I was enraged.
#that woman who thought it pertinent to let me know that my mom is now in heaven with our heavenly father and will send me a husband and babies while giving her condolences ……..Seriously?!. you’re trying tell me my mom is in heaven with the big guy himself and her first order of business is to pimp me out the first guy she thinks will marry and instantly impregnate me? FML
Depression is a fickle bitch that hits you through all the stages whenever she wants. And boy can she pick the wrong moments.
So there, down to 2 stages. And so far Denial is somewhat allowing me to work and not be a blubbering mess when a mother and daughter walk up to my desk. Or someone talks about their mom. Denial gives me the time I need to baby-step myself to Acceptance. (which might be never)
It’s only been a month so instead of asking me how I’m doing tell me a joke. Laughter is the best medicine for sadness. Just say: “A rabbi, a priest and a minister walk into a bar. I’ve always wanted to know how that joke ends…….